I usually eat like a Tibetan prisoner on a hunger strike. I’ve lost sixty pounds and gotten my body fat down to around to ten percent. All six of my abs are visible and I won’t stop until I have the physique of a French underwear model. I’m pretty fucking close.

 

However, once every month, I binge. I eat anything and everything I want for an entire weekend that I’ve dubbed my “freekend”. It’s retarded, but whatever.  It satisfies all of the urges I’ve denied for a month and it gives me enough guilt to make it through four more near vegan weeks with a grueling exercise schedule.

 

This freekend, I was walking through Safeway pushing my cart full of saturated fat and looking for indulgence by way of potato when I came to a sudden halt in the chip isle. There weren’t any heavenly rays of light or violins, but there should’ve been. The good people over at Lays had decided to make a BLT flavored potato chip. How is that even possible? The front of the bag advertised an absence of artificial ingredients, but I didn’t believe it. As a kid, I remember asking my father how they made those little gummy rings taste so much like peaches; he smiled and said “better living through chemical engineering”. I don’t know if that was some sort of slogan from the seventies but it was enough explanation for me.

 

I know foodies usually freak out about French cuisine or foie gras and that they’d never consider a potato chip to be gourmet, but these chips come close. I opened the bag after a few donuts and some aerosol cheese and inhaled a few. Boom. My brain exploded in a wash of sodium. They tasted exactly like a BLT complete with a hint of mayo. Freekend complete.

 

Did you know that potato chip companies make culture specific flavors? In China, you can buy soft shell crab or seaweed flavored Pringles. Seriously. Here in the states you can find buffalo wing and zesty dill pickle and it’d be pretty interesting to analyze that to figure out what it says about us as a country, but I’m pretty sure we all know how that would end up. And yes, I’m perfectly aware of the fact that this is probably the most vapid food related post you’ve ever read but so be it. I’m off to roast marshmallows over my kitchen stove for some smores. Peace.

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